The Giver, The Taker and The Sharer
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The third kind of people in a relationship after Givers and Takers are sharers.
One of the biggest traps I've seen people who are unsuccessful in relationships fall into is they believe there are only two kinds of people: Givers and Takers. As a result, they usually end up being used.
In the Giver/Taker mindset, Givers always end up with Takers and Takers always end up with Givers. The reason is simple: A Giver can't take because then, by definition, he or she is no longer a Giver. And a Taker can't give because then, by definition, he or she is no longer a Taker.
Takers are selfish, Givers are unselfish. It's a great arrangement... for the Taker. Buy very abusive for the Giver.
Eventually, after years of abuse and pain, the Giver leaves, while the Taker blames everything on the Giver. The Giver then spends an indefinite period asking him or herself some version of: "What did I do wrong? How could I have made it work? If only I'd done 'X' (been more patient, more understanding, more supportive, etc.) it would have worked out."
I know, because I used to be a Giver. I went from one Taker to the next, getting abused over and over.
Then one day I had the good fortune of meeting a woman who was very successful with men.
I asked her how she commanded a man's respect, and kept it, hoping I could learn something that would help me out of my emotionally abused rut to use with the next woman I got involved with.
She said, "Callan, it's really simple. Every one in abusive relationships thinks there's only two groups of people: Givers and Takers. But there's a third group. And once you know, understand and 'get' the third group on a gut level, it all starts to fall into place and your relationships start to work out. The third group is Sharers. Sharers know in their mind, their heart and their soul they deserve to receive as well as give. Sharers know, over the long run, the relationship will balance out to be 50/50 give and take. Sharers have a healthy self respect and they expect their partner to treat them with respect, the same respect they give their partner. When they don't, a Sharer leaves."
"Were you ever in an abusive relationship?" I asked.
"Sure. I was with a MCP who blamed me for every problem he had. Then one day someone explained the concept of Givers, Takers and Sharers to me. It hit me hard, but I finally 'got it.' I went to my MCP Boyfriend of five years and told him I was leaving. He said, 'I'm trying. You just don't understand.' I said, 'You're wrong. I DO understand. And that's why I'm leaving. I deserve better than you.' And I left."
I hope you don't fall into the trap of being a Giver or a Taker. Think about the concept of being a Sharer, become one, and start enjoying relationships the way your deserve to. -
Hmmmm, quite true, but I feel that in a relationship, both players have to rotate their roles. No one is a born Giver. Everyone wants to be a Taker or hope to be a taker in a relationship to feel care n love.
Therefore, rotating of roles will help to maintain the relationship. I can be a Giver 2day, a Taker toml n a Sharer the next day.
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That's a nice equation.
but you have to find a partner that rotates too...
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Not easy but that gives excitments to the relationship
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Very interesting. Hmm....
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Thats very true. however with singapore competitive social lifestyle, number of sharers and givers were getting scarce...
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Originally posted by Twincat:
Thats very true. however with singapore competitive social lifestyle, number of sharers and givers were getting scarce...
Thus I'm helping to create awareness. There are many things that is a matter of choice.
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human beings have becoming more n more selfish, demanding due to the environment. But one tends to change in front of true love. I do have great believe in it. So if you love enough, you will change .....
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Originally posted by Twincat:
Thats very true. however with singapore competitive social lifestyle, number of sharers and givers were getting scarce
+1.
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Originally posted by Bak la va:
human beings have becoming more n more selfish, demanding due to the environment. But one tends to change in front of true love. I do have great believe in it. So if you love enough, you will change .....
do agree that love will change a person. Whose kind love will that be? And who will be kind to give these love? This world need more love...which is also rare.
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some give.
some take and they return favour which wasn't what the giver really wants.
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KARMA!!!!
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Originally posted by Isis:
some give.
some take and they return favour which wasn't what the giver really wants.
so sad -
giver is not only the victim, he cherish the relationship too much, then the other party feel stressed,
So the conclusion is you must find the right one,
IF you love her, then you are the giver , if you don't love her then it's the taker, if the two party love each other, then both sharer
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For healthy balance in relationships, there's usually an interplay between giving & taking, dominating & submitting.
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nice topic ..