The Cast
TT Durai. CEO of NKF. Commonly known as "The man who simply refuses to fly business class".
Senior Counsel Davinder Singh. The most powerful Singh in Singapore. Not related to Gurmit Singh
Judge Tan Lee Meng. Don't do much in court but has a good ear for gossips.
Clerk. Nicknamed "Court Jester"
Yati Sudoharto, maid of the plaintiff. Her favourite hobbies are sleeping during working hours and acting blur. The maids these days I tell you. *Shake head*
Contractor. He sibeh buay song NKF.
Senior Counsel Michael Khoo. A low profile lawyer, that's why can't find his photo on the net.
Clerk: Hear me hear me, Judge is in the house. All rise.
Everyone rises.Judge: So which case am I presiding today?
Clerk: Your honour, please refer to case #234, NKFÂ’s defamation suit against SPH.
Judge: Sounds exciting. Will the defending counsel like to proceed?
Counsel Singh: Your honour, I like to call the plaintiff Mr TT Durai to the stand.
Mr Durai approaches the stand.Clerk: Mr Durai, will you please place your right hand on the Bible and do solemnly swear
Counsel Khoo: OBJECTION your honour! My client is a hindu.
Judge: Who cares.
Everyone laughs.Judge: Joking lah. Objection substained.
The bible is promptly replace with a set of Hindu scriptures.Clerk: Mr Durai, will you place your right hand on the scriptures and do solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the god damm truth, god dammit.
Durai: I do.
Clerk: You may now kiss the bride.
Everyone laughs again.Judge: *Wiping tears from his eyes* Oh man, this joke never fail to crack me up. Well done clerk. Counsel Singh, you may carry on.
Counsel Singh: Mr Durai, have you at any point of time installed a gold-plated tap in your bathroom.
Durai: No I didn't
Counsel Singh: LIAR YOUR HONOUR! HEÂ’S A LIAR!
Judge: *Startled* Ni nabeh. You nearly make me pee in my pants.
Counsel Singh: Pardon my sudden outburst your honour. I would next like to call upon my first witness, Ms Yati Sudoharto, maid of the plaintiff.
A gangly woman approaches the stand.Counsel Singh: Ms Yati, while you were cleaning Mr TT DuraiÂ’s office, do you happen to notice a gold-plated tap installed in his bathroom?
Yati: Apa ini?
Counsel Singh: Nice one Yati. Trying to play dumb with me is it?
Yati: Apa?
Counsel Singh: Apa indeed Ms Yati. But you donÂ’t fool me one bit.
Yati:Apa apa?
Counsel Singh: If you apa one more time Yati, IÂ’m going to shove your apa up your ass and then it will really be apa ini for you. Ya hear me. Let me ask you again, did you or did you not see a gold-plated tap installed in Mr Durai bathroom while you were cleaning his office?
Long silence.Counsel Singh: Come on Yati, no one can help you now. Why donÂ’t you just spit it out.
Yati spits on the floor. Counsel Singh: Kaninah. I donÂ’t mean this kind of spit lah.
The whole room erupts with laughter.Counsel Singh: Yati, if you still avoid the question, the court will have no choice but to send you back to Bandah Aceh and we all know what Aceh is like right now donÂ’t we? Hur hur.
Yati: You bad person. Yati no like you.
Counsel Singh: Like I care Yati, like I care. One last time Yati. Did you see a gold-plated tap installed in Mr Durai bathroom while you were cleaning his office?
Yati: Yah lah.
Counsel Singh: Ah ha! *looking damn smug* What do you say to that now Mr Durai?
Counsel Khoo: OBJECTION your honour. Counsel Singh is showing off.
Judge: Objection overruled. Being MM Lee's personal lawyer, it's only right that we allow Counsel Singh to show off once in a while. Counsel Singh please carry on.
Counsel Singh: Thank you your honour. Mr Durai, will it now occur to you that your defamation suit against my client now appears to be ill conceived.
Durai: Damn you Singh. Damn you and your turban.
Counsel Singh: Your honour, to' kill off' this case, I like to call upon my next witness. He’s none other than (long pause for dramatic effect) “The Contractor”.
The whole room goes Ooooooooo. Some even soil their pants.
An Ah Pek approaches the stand.Counsel Singh: Mr contractor, am I correct to say that you are the one responsible in installing the tap?
Contractor: Ha nah.
Counsel Singh: Were you asked to install the gold-plated tap in Mr Durai bathroom?
Contractor: Si lah. That Ah Neh said he only want the best and he told me to install the gold one from the catalog loh. I sibeh buay song after that becos hor how can anyhow waste people money like that wan. Si bor?
Durai: *looking agitated* Ok dammit. We did installed a gold-plated tap. There I admit it. But I see nothing wrong with it. It was entirely within the guidelines and regulations of the board. Everything that was done was above board.
Counsel Singh: You know Mr Durai, with regards to what you just said, we Sikhs have a old saying, “Milakum nahbahsoli krisnatham”. It means “What a pile of bullshit”.
Counsel Khoo: OBJECTION your honour. Counsel is insulting my client.
Judge: Objection overruled. Not only is Counsel Singh allow to show off, but he is also entitled to make sarcastic insults now and then. No choice. MM Lee personal lawyer mah.
Counsel Singh: Thank you your honour. With the testimonies of the two witnesses, we can safely conclude that the articles in question which were printed by my client has in no way defame Mr Durai in any capacity but were simply reporting and conveying the facts to its readers. Facts which we have already proven in this court. As such I would like your honour to end the session now and throw out this suit not only because of it's ridiculousness but also because I'm getting hungry.
Counsel Khoo: OBJECTION your honour. I haven't had my turn yet.
Judge: Objection my ass. I'm getting hungry too. Lets just adjourn for makan before resuming the session.
Clerk: Hear me hear me, the Judge is leaving for makan. All rise.
Everyone boh hew the clerk.Source: http://cheekybynature.blogspot.com/
