Being nice doesn't pay off
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Why is it that nice people are always taken advantage of? I grew up believing that I should be nice to people, so I have always tried my best. I have always been there to help a friend, I was there when my room mate has problem with some guys, I was there to help my ex-crush chased after the girl he likes and actually I am still helping him now. I was there to accompany him when he is lonely and dateless, but when I asked him for a few hours now, he said there is no need for him to do that. I even walked in the snow to accompany my friends to do their shopping.
It makes me cry to just think about how unfair everything is. I know I shouldn't expect anything in return. But this is much more than not getting anything in return. People know I am nice, they know I have a problem saying no to every request that is made to me, so they do whatever they can to make me do things for them. They will not only ask, they will plead and beg until I agree. Only that I am feeling so tired of doing that for years now, I exploded yesterday.I managed to stand my ground and make myself clear for the first time in many years yesterday.
I thought it is easier to be nice than bad. But turns out that it is harder. Because there is always a danger of not knowing when to stop, and when to say no.
i.c.y -
one's intention and goodwill might be mistaken or overlooked... do wat u r happy, not wat u think other pple will be happy
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yea..but sumtimes i am happy when i m helping ppl. it is just when they dun appreciate it dat makes me angry.Originally posted by sgboy2004:one's intention and goodwill might be mistaken or overlooked... do wat u r happy, not wat u think other pple will be happy
i.c.y -
life is unfair.Originally posted by icyprincess:Why is it that nice people are always taken advantage of? I grew up believing that I should be nice to people, so I have always tried my best. I have always been there to help a friend, I was there when my room mate has problem with some guys, I was there to help my ex-crush chased after the girl he likes and actually I am still helping him now. I was there to accompany him when he is lonely and dateless, but when I asked him for a few hours now, he said there is no need for him to do that. I even walked in the snow to accompany my friends to do their shopping.
It makes me cry to just think about how unfair everything is. I know I shouldn't expect anything in return. But this is much more than not getting anything in return. People know I am nice, they know I have a problem saying no to every request that is made to me, so they do whatever they can to make me do things for them. They will not only ask, they will plead and beg until I agree. Only that I am feeling so tired of doing that for years now, I exploded yesterday.I managed to stand my ground and make myself clear for the first time in many years yesterday.
I thought it is easier to be nice than bad. But turns out that it is harder. Because there is always a danger of not knowing when to stop, and when to say no.
i.c.y -
fog-shu always say..i make a great friend..but not a great gf
always help my friends..even though it's troublesome for me..but i always think that if it doesn't harm me in anyway and i can help..why not..
At times i feel that i am being taken for granted..they always have this mentality like 'buf sure can 1', 'buf don't mind 1'
learn to say 'no'..which i am trying now..if not..help without expecting anything in return -
cos once u help, they will think you will help more...in the end in their eyes, they no longer see you as a fren, but as someone who will do things for them...and they no longer appreciate what you do, they started to take you for granted...Originally posted by BufPuf:fog-shu always say..i make a great friend..but not a great gf
always help my friends..even though it's troublesome for me..but i always think that if it doesn't harm me in anyway and i can help..why not..
At times i feel that i am being taken for granted..they always have this mentality like 'buf sure can 1', 'buf don't mind 1'
learn to say 'no'..which i am trying now..if not..help without expecting anything in return
yea, I am learning to say no too...which began last night.
i.c.y -
oh well..... u got to learn it the hard way then....
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yea...Originally posted by Estee:oh well..... u got to learn it the hard way then....
i used to think maybe one day someone will really appreciate what I am doing...
but somehow they just take me for granted...
very sian already so I think I should stop.
i.c.y -
well........ slowly loh.... someday someone will appreciate what u do or did for them..... those are called TRUE Frens...Originally posted by icyprincess:yea...
i used to think maybe one day someone will really appreciate what I am doing...
but somehow they just take me for granted...
very sian already so I think I should stop.
i.c.y
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I know some people do la now...but it is just that some people obviously dun.Originally posted by Estee:well........ slowly loh.... someday someone will appreciate what u do or did for them..... those are called TRUE Frens...
So I dun wan to do things for them anymore.
i.c.y -
just be true to urself loh...... if doing anything makes u feel the tad bit obligated..... then think it through.... ultimately.... u just want urself to be happy mah...Originally posted by icyprincess:I know some people do la now...but it is just that some people obviously dun.
So I dun wan to do things for them anymore.
i.c.y -
yea..but like yesterday, i said no just so that he knows I am not just someone he can ask to do things for him...I might feel happy to actually go get the thing for him, but I dun like the feeling of being made used of, dats all...Originally posted by Estee:just be true to urself loh...... if doing anything makes u feel the tad bit obligated..... then think it through.... ultimately.... u just want urself to be happy mah...
i.c.y -
yelp..... heheehehe..... u know what u wnt..... that's good.Originally posted by icyprincess:yea..but like yesterday, i said no just so that he knows I am not just someone he can ask to do things for him...I might feel happy to actually go get the thing for him, but I dun like the feeling of being made used of, dats all...
i.c.y -
I think I have always known what I want...I dun like to resort to arguments, but sometimes I just have to do it. I am the soft type of person, I try to appear gentle even when i am actually boiling inside. It is just hard to do that all the time.Originally posted by Estee:yelp..... heheehehe..... u know what u wnt..... that's good.
I am kinda glad I told him off last night. Take a load off my mind. I will meet him tomorrow for dinner tho *sigh* But with a lot of people around, he better dun try anything funny.
i.c.y -
BE Half Evil like Kops21...
Be Good normally...something be Craze...something be Super Bastard....then no one will take advantage of you.... -
i was gonna say..... deep down.... i'm a pai lang..... muahaahaOriginally posted by kops21:BE Half Evil like Kops21...
Be Good normally...something be Craze...something be Super Bastard....then no one will take advantage of you.... 
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I think I was being quite nasty last night...he also quite shocked...then he said I got "attitude"..I said "of cos I do, and I have to show it to ppl like you"Originally posted by kops21:BE Half Evil like Kops21...
Be Good normally...something be Craze...something be Super Bastard....then no one will take advantage of you....
I think my stubbornness has turned him off for good now.
i.c.y -
If helping you makes other people happy, help. If not, don't help.
If you want to strengthen your being-nice-doesn't-pay-off thinking, maybe you can go watch a movie called "Pay if forward". -
hey.... that's so cool..... MUAHAHAHAH.... that guy DESERVED the crap man....Originally posted by icyprincess:I think I was being quite nasty last night...he also quite shocked...then he said I got "attitude"..I said "of cos I do, and I have to show it to ppl like you"
I think my stubbornness has turned him off for good now.
i.c.y -
most of the time, it makes me happy. but is that good for me in the long run? I will just keep doing it to make myself happy, while the others prolly view me as either the maid or the doormat or the fool. some already does now. dats y i think it is time to stop. being nice can be tiring sometimes.Originally posted by Parka: If helping you makes other people happy, help. If not, don't help.
If you want to strengthen your being-nice-doesn't-pay-off thinking, maybe you can go watch a movie called "Pay if forward".
i.c.y -
yea, i think so too. all of the nice things, are just pretense. I hate ppl who try to cheat me. so I thought if I don't give him the crap now, I will never be able to bring myself to. and I will forever be chained to him and become his slave. I have seen some girls doing dat, one of my close frens are like that. I refused to.Originally posted by Estee:hey.... that's so cool..... MUAHAHAHAH.... that guy DESERVED the crap man....
i.c.y -
yeah.... cheat me can.... dun ever let me know. i can be nice.... as well as dreadful.... but ultimately..... it's still a "i want to do it(bad things) or not" thingie.....Originally posted by icyprincess:yea, i think so too. all of the nice things, are just pretense. I hate ppl who try to cheat me. so I thought if I don't give him the crap now, I will never be able to bring myself to. and I will forever be chained to him and become his slave. I have seen some girls doing dat, one of my close frens are like that. I refused to.
i.c.y
i'm a typical scorpio baby.... -
I am nice to people whom I think deserve it. Similarly, I am dreadful to people whom I think deserve it. Esp people who doesn't know they have crossed my limit of patience and is still doing/saying things to make me angry. So I didn't regret what I said last night. I think he is just asking for it anyway.Originally posted by Estee:yeah.... cheat me can.... dun ever let me know. i can be nice.... as well as dreadful.... but ultimately..... it's still a "i want to do it(bad things) or not" thingie.....
i.c.y -
yeah....... i am selective.....Originally posted by icyprincess:I am nice to people whom I think deserve it. Similarly, I am dreadful to people whom I think deserve it. Esp people who doesn't know they have crossed my limit of patience and is still doing/saying things to make me angry. So I didn't regret what I said last night. I think he is just asking for it anyway.
i.c.y -
oh woo~ I just noticed you said that you are a Scorpio hehe...
I am a Scorpio too...but I am a Moon Scorpio...
i.c.y