Dedicated talkingcock.com thread. A fresh new sensation!
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Aiyoh, on request of shining force, this thread is set up to post stuff from our dear beloved talkingcock.com
Dont be shy, come in come in! -
Originally posted by laurence82:Aiyoh, on request of shining force, this thread is set up to post stuff from our dear beloved talkingcock.com
Dont be shy, come in come in!
The most popular game in Kranji!
Cuddly Pickanchus here comes with his own pager and mobile phone.
Pit him against other Bookiemon in the special Bookiemon Turf Club Arena (sold separately)! -
Dun shy shy leh lai leh mai ani kuan paisei
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FURBENGS™
Each Furbeng comes with a different repertoire of adorable phrases!
Put them together and they'll cham siong! -
Talking Cock Website
Hi for all, this is the url for talkingcock.com. Its just a humour website, and not political one. Let your hair down, and enjoy Singapore society from the political, business, sports etc views.
For more humour, you might want to peep in what our Dragon Prince write in his personal diary, listen to Lim Peh 'jiang gu shi', or even shop around in The Cock Shop, browse thru the Singlish Dictionary......
If you are offended by the adult language of this site, I recommend you another more sanitised one...nah
Click Me!
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Happy Nude Year
Posted on Sunday, January 11, 2004
Topic: Diary of the Dragon Prince
Barry recounts how action his new yearÂ’s party was in his imaginary diaryÂ…
Gaylord of the Rings: The Return of the Kinky
24 December 2003 (Wednesday) – The festive season is here again, and it is party time. The phone rang. It was ‘The Fellowship’, a secretive brotherhood and it is time for its annual reunion. A shiver ran down my spine. A Fellowship party is like no other party. There are parties and there are parties.
I wore my favourite costume; it was pink and had netting and feathers. I also stuck a diamond through my right ear. Dear wife wore trousers, and carried a whip. She looked real manly.
When we reached the party venue, the regulars instantly recognized me. “Hello, Gaylord,” they purred to me. “Hello sir!” they saluted dear wife.
Wacko Jacko had already arrived. As in all previous year, he brought along a boy.
Went into the house. Passed the home theatre room and saw that the were screening a movie “Fellatio of the Ring”. There were two hobbits watching, arm-in-arm. Hobbits in Singapore? I went forward for a closer look. It was Frodo Wong in his costumer. And as usual, his gardener was with him. These two are inseparable. In reply to gay rumours, Frodo Wong’s excuse was that he needs his gardener for karaoke sessions because Wong can’t sing. Two short arses, I thought to myself.
Walked out of that room and accidentally went into a wrong room. Steve was there, with what looked like an Indonesian maid. Steve was in the buff and holding a camera. The maid was in her bra. Just refreshing my photography skills, Mr. Chia explained.
Heard women screaming in another room. Peeped in. There was a Hen party going on. A man had climbed out of a birthday cake and was performing a strip tease, to the delight of the birthday girl and all the Women In White (WIW). He wore a white surgeonÂ’s clothes and was peeling them off piece by piece. The women were stuffing dollar bills into HenÂ’s g-string. Well, Eng Hen deserves it, I thought to myself, as he claimed that he took a severe pay cut to give up a surgeonÂ’s career to enter politics.
Finally reached my destination: a secret passageway that led into a secret room. This is the secret meeting place of the Kinkys, a place for those that love to screw people in the arse, or who loves being screwed. Membership has jumped this year.
There was masturbator Woo Eng Wan. He was chasing a female doctor round the room. “Examine me. Check my semen,” he was pleading with her. Over at the sofa, Whanker Aiyar was trying to undress an obviously drunk TV presenter who kept saying: ‘Take me home.” Or did I hear just: “Take me!”
Marlboro Tan was being teased mercilessly by a team of eleven girls wearing soccer boots and nothing else. “Shoot! You can’t shoot! You can’t score!” they teased.
There was White Wizard Gandalf Tony Tan. He was banging away at a female Navy officer who kept screaming: “Steer left! Steer left!” There was Health MiniSAR Hairdo Lim. He was doing it to a nurse, Japanese AV-style. He was muttering to himself: “Make babies…make more babies.”
There was Rear Admiral Dunking Teo doing it bukakke style. He was trying to drown his commando officer in his cum.
There was also Acting Mini-star for Health Cow Boo Wan. He was into bestiality, and was humping a cow. Obviously he is not afraid of mad cow disease. He was not the only one. Over in another corner, Cedric Fool was licking the arse of a white horse.
And there was Swee Say, the pretty boy. He was just dancing about on the bar top and pleasuring himself. Transport Mini-star Gostan Yeo really loves it from the reverse. He had a train driver and a bus driver taking turns to drive into him from the reverse. ‘Forward-reverse-forward-reverse’ they went.
When they all saw me, they all collectively moaned: “Hello…oooh….Gaylord”. Please carry on, I said. What a “re-union”, I thought to myself.
I went over to the corner where two women were waiting for me. “Hi D,” I said to one of them, who was deliciously pregnant. “Good job about your other half. That must have been a real Kodak moment for him.”
“You’re welcome. There’s nothing I would not do for an old flame,” D purred.
ThereÂ’s one more thing you can do for me, I told D. Can I have your maid? -
Miss Singapore
One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:
MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT
Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question
incorrectly, you are disqualified.
Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lemon
Miss Malaysia: Lychee
Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !
This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.
Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lung (applause)
Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)
Miss Singapore: LAN CHEOW !
Judge: ?????????!!!! -
Government Shuts TalkingCock.com Down for Bird Flu
Posted on Sunday, January 25, 2004
Topic: Local News
by Subordinate Cock
The Ministry of Health has shut local satirical website TalkingCock.com down, due to bird flu concerns.
“We can’t take any chances,” said MOH official Dr. I.C. Leow. “TalkingCock.com is clearly poultry-based. Not only that, they stimulate unnecessary conversation and we are afraid that the avian flu virus can be spread orally. TalkingCock.com is clearly a hazard to the public’s well-being.”
“That’s a damn cock excuse,” thundered editor in chief Supreme Cock. “The Gahmen is shutting us down, when what they’re really doing is shutting us up!”
However, writing and admin staff have decided to cooperate with the authorities, by voluntarily staying home till the all-clear is given.
“We’re just too chicken, lah,” said senior writer K.K. Cheow. “Especially when it comes to the Gahmen.”
Mr. Cheow was quick to emphasize, however, that none of the staff have actually contracted the bird flu.
“It’s true that one of our columnists, Mr Lim Peh, did catch something recently from a kway in Thailand,” he explained. “But it wasn’t the bird flu.” -
Chingay Parade to be Renamed
Posted on Sunday, February 01, 2004
Topic: The Arts
by Nyonya Kway
Hot on the heels of rebuking a homosexual activist group’s plea not to limit the decriminalization of oral sex to heterosexuals, the Gahmen has ordered that the ‘gay’ in ‘Chingay’ be removed from next year onwards.
This is seen as part of the GahmenÂ’s affirmation of their aim to restore erstwhile traditional family values to what they see as an increasingly decadent Singapore.
“As we’ve said before, Singapore is still a very conservative society at heart and the people are not ready for an openly gay culture,” said Minister of State for Discrimination Miss Annie How. “So we think that the new ‘Ching Parade’ will more accurately reflect Singapore’s mores.”
Gay activist group People Lick Us has protested the move. Said spokesman Aw Buay Lai, “This is a wrong-headed move designed to demonize gay people in Singapore!”
Mr. Aw also pointed out how the word ‘Chingay’ has nothing to do with homosexuality and actually comes from Chinese words “zhuang yi”, meaning either a decorated float or the act of putting on costumes.
However, Minister How said that merely proved that the parade’s name was out of sync with Singapore’s conservative mores. “How much more ah quah can you get, playing dress-up in gaudy costumes and decorating cars with flowers and styrofoam?”
She continued, “The reduced name ‘Ching’ more accurately reflects the parade’s status as a Chinese New Year tradition, and our increasing Chinese orientation. In fact, the Chingchong Parade was also proposed as an alternative to ‘Chingay’.”
This year’s Chingay Parade theme is ‘Parade of Dreams’ and is meant to reflect the collective dreams of Singaporeans for nature, a rich cultural landscape, intellectual creative space and a tolerant multi-cultural society. (The Parade motto is the appropriately cheena, and stunningly ungrammatical ‘Celebrate Our One DreamS’.)
“Yeah,” said PLU’s Mr. Aw. “In your dreams. That completely sums up Singapore.” -
Gays To Persuade Members Orally
Posted on Sunday, February 01, 2004
Topic: Local News
by Pak Cham Kai
After their letter failed, Singapore gays wish to make direct oral representations to Members of Parliament about decrimiminalizing oral sex for homosexuals as well.
Gay activist group People Lick Us had written an impassioned plea to MPs arguing that the forthcoming decriminalization of oral sex should not be limited to heterosexuals. They pleaded for understanding, saying that the law of probabilities meant that some MPs might have gay children too, and should consider their position.
However, MPs said they found PLUÂ’s reasoning unconvincing, and even seemed to take the suggestion that they might have gay children badly.
“My son could never be some ah quah,” growled MP for Bukit Buttocks Mrs. Ho Moh-Forbes. “He spends all his time hanging out with really macho guys, playing lots of macho contact sports!”
“I guess our strategy backfired,” said People Lick Us spokesman Khee Suk Kok. “But we’re not discouraged. Backfiring is a common hazard in the gay community.”
Rather, PLU now wishes to make its arguments in person, to give a human face to their suffering.
Said Mr. Khee, “We want to show them we’re sincere. We’re willing to go down on bended knees, and give the Members a blow-by-blow account of our suffering.”
Are PLU concerned that doing so will make the MPs harden their stand?
“Well, we certainly hope our oral submissions will make them come around,” he replied.
MPs have mixed feelings about allowing PLU a second bite of the cherry.
“Bring ‘em on,” said Mrs. Moh-Forbes. “I want to give them a tongue lashing for suggesting I might have gay kids!”
“I hope their reasoning on oral sex the next time round is sound,” said Ho Mo Kio GRC MP Fee Lay Teo. “I don’t want to sit there listening to them just talking cock.”
Hong Kan GRC MP Mr. Mai Jee Seow reiterated the Gahmen’s current stand. “Activists cannot push ahead of what the wider society is able to support.”
“Well, we’re optimistic,” said PLU’s Mr. Khee. “We think Singaporeans are very tolerant people. They’ve tolerated inexplicably high Ministerial pay, gerrymandering, sending troops to a war zone without parliamentary approval, defamation suits for critics, opaque accounting for GIC investments… what’s a small thing like two guys or girls licking each other off in private?”
“See?” thundered Mr. Mai in response to Mr. Khee’s statement. “It’s that kind of sucky attitude that just makes me want to blow my top!”