Jokes of the week
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Jokes of the week
Contribute leh, dont shy shy
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i start with the first one
Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldnt admit he forgotten the code. He turned himself in.
Rita Rudner -
Two Hokkien pengs, Ah Beng and Ah Seng, got promoted from privates to corporals.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Ah Beng says, "Eh, Seng ah, there's the NCO Club. Let's go inside and togo."
"But we all is plivate only, mah," protests Ah Seng.
"No, we all is copler now," says Ah Beng, pulling him inside.
Once inside the pub, Ah Beng says, "Okay, let's order some beer and togo!"
"But we all is plivate!" says Ah Seng.
"Piang eh, you cannot see, meh?" says Ah Beng, pointing to his stripes. "We all is copler now!"
After leaving the NCO club, Ah Beng and Ah Seng go to Geylang.
There, Ah Beng whistles at a hooker, but the hooker says, "Sorry, hor. Tonight cannot because I got gonorrhea."
Ah Beng pulls Ah Seng to the side and say, "Eh, you go and check the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhea' means. It it's okay, give me the okay sign."
Ah Seng goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Ah Beng a big thumbs-up.
Three weeks later, Ah Beng is in the hospital with a severe case of gonorrhea.
"Ni na beh," he scolds Ah Seng. "Why you tell me it's okay?"
"Not my fault!" says Ah Seng. "In the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects the privates."
Then he points to his stripes: "But we is copler now, mah!"
(stolen from somewhere
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A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study. "Duh"
Conan O' Brien -
I was introduced to a Company selling Magnetic Mattress from Japan(no name mentioned here).
They introduce to me a queen size one with the magnets laid out in the shape of 2 persons sleeping straight side by side.
I was so confused. I asked the Company Manager, will there be a demand for it ? How often do you get 2 bodies being buried together ? -
A Mat, who was in Primary 3, came home from school one day and asked his father, "Bapak, today in school, me and friends had competisen, see who's cock the biggest, lah. My cock bigger than all, lah. Why ah? Because I melayu, issit?
The father sighed and looked at him and said, "No,lah. Because you're eighteen years old." -
Nothing
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Singapore and Malaysia have a different philosophies of life. This becomes apparent when we compare the two countries' Rules of Simple Living.
Singapore:
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary
And indeed, that is why 'Singapore is solid'!
Malaysia? Well, Malaysia's Rules of Simple Living are the
following:
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House... -
Freaking racist!!!!!!!!!!! but i likeOriginally posted by shining_force:A Mat, who was in Primary 3, came home from school one day and asked his father, "Bapak, today in school, me and friends had competisen, see who's cock the biggest, lah. My cock bigger than all, lah. Why ah? Because I melayu, issit?
The father sighed and looked at him and said, "No,lah. Because you're eighteen years old." -
How Singapore Got Its Name
When Raffles sailed up the Singapore River for the first time, he saw a Malay woman taking a bath in the river. She had left her clothes on the river bank. As Raffles sailed by, he saw a bhai sneak up and steal her clothes. The upset woman started shouting after the thief, "Singh kapoh! Singh kapoh!" -
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talkingcock.comOriginally posted by shining_force:How Singapore Got Its Name
When Raffles sailed up the Singapore River for the first time, he saw a Malay woman taking a bath in the river. She had left her clothes on the river bank. As Raffles sailed by, he saw a bhai sneak up and steal her clothes. The upset woman started shouting after the thief, "Singh kapoh! Singh kapoh!" -
Yeah man!! Very good top of the drawer jokes.
Check out the "lim pei ka li kong" -
Diary of the Dragon Prince not bad too
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Wah lau knn u share the same sentiments.
"Lim pei ka li kong ar li ar si pei ho ar!!!" -
Me an ardent fan of talkingcock.com , you got download the movie?
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No leh can download meh? From Kazza u mean right? "mai luan luan gong"Originally posted by laurence82:Me an ardent fan of talkingcock.com , you got download the movie? -
Aiyoh, of course from Kazaa...........Originally posted by shining_force:No leh can download meh? From Kazza u mean right? "mai luan luan gong" -
Ancient Chinese Torture
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost." -
THE PERFECT EXCUSE! for
Why my book has not been returned to the library!
... cuz I left it in my truck and my truck was in an accident and got towed to the garage and I won't be able to get to the garage in Abbotsford until this weekend.
... my mother took it camping and lost it.
... I didn't take it out!
... cuz my cat peed on it and it smells too bad.
... it flew out the car window on the 401 Freeway and was devoured by an 18 wheeler! -
i was standing outside ntuc fair price waiting for my mum to buy some last minute stuffs. nearby was a salesman promoting some kind of cleaning device. i was listening to his promotions and he said "blah blah blah, can clean this, this way, that way...... and if your house also got ceiling, you can use this also......"
i think i was the only one who realise his mistake cos nobody had reaction. -
If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problems.
If you are the problem, then too bad for you.
Got no solution for you, only got precipitate. -
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a
brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain! -
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Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "Of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"