Essential Qualities of a Girlfriend
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I've got a group of friends who say that the essential qualities of a girlfriend is to be short, have a flat head, big ears and no teeth. (If you don't get this, don't bother asking)
But what is it to be a good girlfriend? Do guys go for looks first or character? Do silly things like hair length ACTUALLY matter?
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To answer your questions:
1. Respect yourself, respect your partner and expect to be respected in kind.
2. As light travels faster than sound, so does one's appearance before their personality. It's logic and pure human nature.
3. Attraction to particular aspects of a person is dependent on the individual. Different people appreciate different things, and for some more than others, it's important.
And while we're on the topic, ever wonder why men love checking out women? Even if these women have partners? Or, if these men have partners?
Simply put, one's man's meat is another man's fancy. It's our biological instinct to seek out the most promising mates for survival and the perpetuation of one's species, or in this case, genetic material. It's not a question of fidelity, it's nature.
But control of one's emotion and instinct is what makes us human, which in this case, gives us the virtue of fidelity. -
Rae,
It jus hits me to wonder if, a guy realli would fancy females simply for the length of hair or even for the looks only, would you like such an airhead ???
guys aren't airheads, and at least dun think i would want one lengthy-haired beauty with nothing inside... still boils down to, as long as both sides attract, then it attracts =p
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liking a girl for her looks is like eating a bird for liking its singing.
makes sense ? -
As humans we are attracted but things we think is beautiful smell nice and all. But more important than that is whether we are comfortable with that person.
i person go for the comfortable feel being ard the person. My eyes might be looking at other pretty gals just bcos they are pretty but doesnt mean i will have to make them my gf. -
One man's meat is another man's poison. How true that is... a girl may be the devoted, caring girlfriend, affectionate and spontaneous in her affections, and be openly communicative, and yet...a man who seeks freedom and space of his own, who prefers to indulge in his career, finds her a burden and chore to be with.
It depends on one's priorities in life. At the start, it may be her warmth, her cheerfulness that attracts him, but the moment he sweeps her off her feet...he wants his own space, and even if she's the sort of girlfriend most other men may hanker after... he is unappreaciative of it, simply because his priorities lie elsewhere... coz he may prefer to spend time at his work, etc etc... not to say he doesn't love her anymore, its' just that... she may want to spend more time with him, but he doesn't have that sort of time.
Clash of interest. And thus... even if 9 out of 10 men find her the ideal, girlfriend for them, he doesn't think she is a good girlfriend, coz he feels she's too clingy.
What makes a good girlfriend? You can list down all the qualities of what she needs to have, and yet... when you meet the person you fall in love with, sometimes you just don't give a shit whether or not she's a good girlfriend, as long as she's with you. They say that love is blind.... and sometimes, we just willingly blind ourselves to the faults of our partners.
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"Old friends pass away, new friends appear.
It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives.
The important thing is to make it meaningful:
a meaningful friend -- or a meaningful day."
- Quote from H.H. the Dalai Lama -
while we r on this topic,can anyone tell me why when a guy has a girlfriend he will still look out for pretty girls when he goes out?does it mean he's not happy with his girlfriend?
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rosie
what u say is so true... the part abt how a guy may feel his gf is clinging becos he wants a lifestyle focused on other aspects
then what do u suggest the gal do?
is it wrong to want to spend more time with your partner?
and how when he doesn't want to do so? -
Oreo :
When we guys look at another girl on the streets, its just simply a catch of the eye by the physical attraction by the female...
It has nothing to do with not loving your girl anymore or any of this sorta stuff. We males are simply attracted by graphical representations of beauty more than females are... of course, there are also females who *look* at guys and there's nothing faulting on their part, is there ?
SO ! Looking at another person is just, for that fleeting moment, the guys see something that caught their eye, and the next moment once its registered what we've seen, that's the end of it. =) -
SaDness:
what u said is very comforting.
but it's just tt this kind of girl watching,carried on a long basis, has a very 'jealousy' and 'pek chek' effect.
as a guy, what do u think of a girlfriend who constantly look out for other guys? -
Granted, i would definitely feel jealous...
Any normal living breathing creature would feel that way, male female or neither =p
If u realli realli cannot take such side glances ur partner gives to others, haf u ever tot of trying to mention it to him ??
Do it gently of course. =p
Or on a deeper level, haf u ever tot, if u love him enuf, wouldn't ur guy be granted a minimum amt of trust ??
Sureli the basis of ani long standing rel. is trust first... -
yup yup i agree.
but sometimes these feelings just can't be helped -
>what u say is so true... the part abt how a guy may feel his gf is clinging becos he wants a lifestyle focused on other aspects
then what do u suggest the gal do?
Frankly, communication is the best way to deal with such a problem. Talk it out with him...tell him you cherish the relationship, ask him why is it he seems to want to keep a distance. Perhaps, without realising it, he is commitment shy - and if so... what's the real reason behind it?
Sometimes, men need a real wacking in order to realise they could just lose a perfectly beautiful relationship if they do not cherish it.
But ultimately, at the end of the day... two people in a relationship may be so different when it comes to prioritizing, that there's no way the two can be happy, unless one party changes his/her priorioties. That takes sacrifice. But not everyone can do that, without feeling utterly wretched and miserable.
As we all know... a relationship is about give and take. Some people give more, some people take more. How does one refrain from giving (love), if they are naturally affectionate? You can't stop yourself from feeling and caring for the other party. You can't stop yourself from feeling hurt when he prefers to spend his time elsewhere, rather than with you.
And perhaps, he can't stop himself from needing his own private space, and NOT wanting to spend more time with you.
In cases like these... perhaps, in the long term... the couple may not be absolutely suitable for each other. I do not propose a break up...because I believe that every relationship can be worked out, as long as the two people genuinely love each other and WANT the relationship to work. That means two sides putting in effort, time and care. That means...COMMITTMENT to make things work.
Alas, a lot of people give up half way... granted, tis always easier to start a new relationship on a fresh slate... rather than work on a draining, stale relationship. Even on the pretext of "love", many people just do NOT love enough, but we just continue to lie to ourselves that we do. Maybe this self-deception makes us feel better that we ARE capable of loving, instead of being selfish to our own wants and needs.
>is it wrong to want to spend more time with your partner?
No it isn't. To me, it is a very natural expression of love. What's so unnatural about wanting to be close to your loved one?
>and how when he doesn't want to do so?
Well... worst case scenario..sometimes, we just have to accept the fact that some people are so different, it's gonna be real difficult to stay together. One of you may end up truly miserable.
You can try to adapt to his mode of life style, but you may end up feeling lonely, detached...emotionally unfulfilled. Question is - how long can one last in a relationship where there is a lack of emotional fulfillment?
Weeks/months/years? I don't know... but I sure know that it's potential for danger if someone else comes along and seemingly provides you with everything else your beau cannot offer. It could spell doom, gloom, and...*gasp* INFIDELITY. Don't risk it.
I know I said "everything can be worked out". But question is..."do you want to spend the rest of your life working it out???". Or would you rather go for someone who is seemingly "more suitable" for you?
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"Old friends pass away, new friends appear.
It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives.
The important thing is to make it meaningful:
a meaningful friend -- or a meaningful day."
- Quote from H.H. the Dalai Lama -
juz popped in to say hi to ros dearsweetbabie... =) *hugz*
your dalai lama quote caught my eye...
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He he, if you have a choice between three women, and they all love you very much equally, I would choose the one with the biggest boobs! That's how guys think! HA HA!!
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Come on guys.... all this talk about going for character rather than looks in gals is CHEAP! Action speaks LOUDER than words! We see how those guys go ga-ga over babes and practically drooling after them and worshipping the ground they walk on.... so guys, any comments? *LUFFZ*
Talking abt essential qualities of a gf, I am sure looks will be 1st priority! I mean, yeah, your gal need NOT be a babe but at least must be PLEASANT in the guy's eyes rite? All those talk abt character is BULLSHIT! Say, guys, u all got to know this gal is FAT or maybe THIN, will you even consider her or give her a second look though she may have an ANGELIC character? NO rite? See, get wat I mean? LOOKS still come FIRST!
Also, a guy usually likes gals who are demure and homely I guess! It has always been the case. I hope I am NOT generalising. Gals who are fun-loving and maybe exciting can only be a gf and NOT a wife rite? And when looking for a LONG-TERM relationsp, guys will look for a demure and gentle gal...... is that true guys? Apparently, ALL my guy friends are like that! *SHRUGS*
They say, there are 3 categories of gals!
1) Can NV be my gf kind
2) Can ONLY be gf and NOT a wife kind, one I can only have FUN wif.
3) Can go for long-term relationsp kind
Usually the 3) category will be the DEMURE and GENTLE sort..... rite? *GRINZ* So wat? That means that ALL gals must turn demure and hmely b4 they can find a long term bf or a husband? *LUFFZ*
Hey guys! Wat are u all tinking? Wat's the attraction about demure and gentle gals? Life is be sooo BOGING! *YAWNZ* But well, maybe you guys adore such gals? *SHRUGS*
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Do Pixies like a rainy day?
A-piping through the dell?
The Pixies must enjoy the rain;
Thats when they weave their spell.
Rain drops, rain drops
Play a Pixie-tune
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Guys go for a cushion in their face.Originally posted by rae-lyn:I've got a group of friends who say that the essential qualities of a girlfriend is to be short, have a flat head, big ears and no teeth. (If you don't get this, don't bother asking)
But what is it to be a good girlfriend? Do guys go for looks first or character? Do silly things like hair length ACTUALLY matter? -
so conclusions? MOST guys go for looks, by the length of her hair, size of her boobs. dun they ever wish dat they can have someone whom they can have a heart-to-heart talk wif? someone who'll oppose to wat he's sayin sometimes instead of always goin "yes..u r rite..u r so clever..blah blah" wif their heads bowed and walkin a few steps behind the MAN. not dat i m sayin pretty gers r bimbos..but is dat wat guys wan in a ger?
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HI ppl...
juz admit it....guys normal go for the looks 1st...then after knowing her...then u will judge her by her character..izzit it???
but as time goes by...looks juz doesnt matter...
who wants a pretty gal..but proud n arrogant rite... -
The statement that guys do go for looks 1st, I have to disagree. However I do agree that men do oggle at deserving women when they come along. That does not mean losing their focus on what means most to them. For those who have degraded us men in this topic by suggesting that boob size matter, let me suggest using your strong hand or visiting your friendly neighbourhood makeshift VCDs stall.
For the women who think all men are just horny b*****ds, how many of you can touch your hearts and say the qualities you look for in a partner are not at least 3 of the following charisma, credits, cash, condo and car?
The point I am trying to drive across is that one cannot make a sweeping statement against the opposite gender. We are all individuals, not all men think only of sexual appeal, not all women seek material qualities. -
comeon whos say we guys onli go for looks we go for character too ok and even if we go for looks we guys aren't the onli ones u gals too just think about this lets say that
a guy approach u on the streets asking for your phone no. would u give if hes a ugly or a fat guy the answer would be no but if its a handsome guy??? then things very hard to say liao rite humans are like that wat to do we are all humans
[This message has been edited by JuzanotherGUY (edited 24 August 2000).] -
If you like her, you go find out more. If you like her even more, you find out even more. Finally when you know everything, you either like, or dislike. What qualities do you expect if you yourself can't fulfill them?
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I didn't come 10 million miles to turn back at the last 10 feet..... -
This topic like appears in EVERY forum Ive been into.
KTE - kudos to you. at least you are honest.
to the guys who say character comes first..where have you been all my life coz Ive never met anyone even resembling you at all b4. Haha.
But I truly believe that guys go for sweet, demure girls. My ex used to say that all guys want 'face'. If you have got a bitch, like me, for your gf. Well, just guess how the relationship will turn out?
Am thinking I will be left on the shelf forever. Am not sweet, demure or even nice. Sigh.
I think its great that guys can actually say that they look for looks first in a girl. But if after knowing her, her character sux, no matter how gorgeous she is they will not be interested. come on, its totally true. I am the same. this kind of thing is you know I know but no one wants to say it out loud.
Hey, guys. those of u who go clubbing or pubbing. When u pick up girls at these places, what are u looking for? A conquest, friendship, sex or what?
If the girl gives you her number, would u feel that she is cheap coz if she can give u her number she can give it to a dozen more guys?
Juz wondering. Its a very interesting topic I feel. Cheers -
How about this for an ideal girlfriend?
http://www.angelfire.com/weird/airen117
Can you imagine, lah! :p -
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