Taken from www.talkingcock.com (04/08/03)
ItÂ’s not enough if you pay taxes or carry a pink IC. To commemorate National Day, TalkingCock.com brings you a checklist to see how Singaporean you really are.
1. Thanks to SMS, you have an extra large thumb. - Is that y I kept hitting my thumb with the hammer?
2. Tks 2 SMS, u oso dun no how 2 spel n e mor. - U sure or nt?
3. You pat MRT and bus seats to cool them before you sit down. - see the dust rise.....
4. At lunch, you start discussing what to eat for dinner. - as always
5. Your wedding photos include shots of you dressed up like Louis XIV, Michael Jackson, or Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in Titanic. - not there yet.... but probably...
6. When speaking to foreigners, you somehow feel a need to adopt an accent. (If youÂ’re a DJ, this happens even when youÂ’re not speaking to foreigners.) - yeah, mate!
7. You wonÂ’t raise your voice to protest policies, but youÂ’ll raise your fists to whack someone over Hello Kitty. - if that's a last set of GameCube.... YEAH!
8. YouÂ’re forever talking about businesses you want to set up but will probably never get around to starting. - Dun say like tat.... no $$$ mah...
9. You don’t know ¾ of the people attending your wedding. - not there yet.... but that's y the parents are always near the couple, no?
10. You separate food into 2 basic groups: ‘heaty’ and ‘cooling’. - I've complied a list thoughout the years....
11. YouÂ’re never completely sure how many times youÂ’ve sung the second verse of the National Anthem. - Thumb of rule... stop when the music reach a climax...
12. You think that what makes you ‘married’ is not the legal registration but whether you’ve thrown a 12 course dinner. - U mean they're different???
13. You marry for the real estate breaks. - Muz... get... that.... flat.....
14. You have kids for the tax advantages. - can claim how many?
15. You move to where you want your child to go to school. - always the best for the kid...
16. You feel you canÂ’t walk around naked in your own flat. - wat? and risk being reported to the police?
17. You force your children to take Speech & Drama classes, but pray they wonÂ’t wind up in Arts later on. - exactly....
18. You suddenly realize youÂ’re very interested in biotech - just like you suddenly realized three years ago that you were very interested in e-commerce, and before that, engineering, and before that, medicine and law. - whatever the trend is... count me in....
19. You think being an entrepreneur is setting up a bubble tea/Portuguese egg tart/gao luck/porridge shop right next to an existing bubble tea/Portuguese egg tart/gao luck/porridge shop. - hey! y fix it if it works?
20. You think people are inconsiderate when they donÂ’t leave their table immediately after eating at the food court but think you have every right to take 25 bites to finish the last red bean in your ice kachang. - keep staring and they'll leave faster.....
21. You find it impossible to make suggestions without drawing a fishbone chart first. - muz have something to visualize mah...
22. If youÂ’re a guy, whenever you get together with your guy friends, you invariably trade army stories. - common bond among us mah...
23. If youÂ’re a girl, whenever you get together with your girl friends, you invariably trade stories about how your stupid guy friends are forever trading army stories. - not sure abt this... need a gal to verify this....
24. You think the most important sporting event in Singapore this year was David Beckham switching from Manchester United to Real Madrid. - not exactly... but close.....
25. You somehow feel that food tastes better when eaten by a longkang. - wat do u mean it's dirty? clean food ain't delicious....
26. It actually makes a difference to you being called an ‘NSMan’ rather than a ‘Reservist’. - no meh?
27. YouÂ’ve eaten more times at the Esplanade than youÂ’ve actually seen shows there. - u mean they have shows there?
28. You need campaigns to tell you how to be courteous, to flush toilets, have sex, etc. - how abt one to teach how to complain in a nice way?
29. When you visit the Zoo, you wonder what the animals taste like. - isn't that y ppl r throwing food to them? to fatten them up?
30. You feel the urge to add the suffix ‘-polis’ to everything, viz. Biopolis, Airtropolis, Fusionopolis, Entrepolis, etc. - sounds grander mah...
31. You always feel oddly hungry at 11 pm, and are willing to drive to far away places for supper. - yeah loh.. how come all the nice stalls are so far away from my place?
32. You meet in hotels a lot. - oops... how you know that???
33. Your children have a rudimentary knowledge of Tagalog or Bahasa Indonesia. - apa ini?
34. You work at McDonaldÂ’s when youÂ’re old rather than young. - aren't they trying to rip off the old?
35. YouÂ’ll gladly spend $50,000 on a car, but will go to great lengths to save a few bucks on ERP charges or even a few cents on a parking coupon. - mummy says muz scrimp and save....
36. Pork floss and mayonnaise on bread is a completely natural combination to you. - personally i hate that...
37. If youÂ’re pregnant, you have the strange ability to make people on the MRT fall asleep instantly. - here she comes! .... Zzzzzzzz
38. You ask for the bill by miming a signing movement. - or by whistling....
39. You’ve started referring to foreign employees as ‘talent’ instead of ‘expatriates’. - wat abt those construction workers or cleaners? talents too?
40. At the dinner table, youÂ’re always discussing which other food places serve better versions of what youÂ’re eating. - there is always a mountain taller than this mountain....
41. You copy down licence plate numbers of cars involved in accidents. - and cause another jam behind u at the same time...
42. You think your boyfriend doesnÂ’t really love you unless he gives you part of his liver. - bloody spoil market.... where got so many livers to give if u go though more than 1 relationship?
43. During sales, you book hotel rooms near malls to enable you to shop more efficiently. - same thing as sitting nearer to the buffet table, i guess...
44. You pronounce the letter ‘R’ as ‘ah-rer’ and the letter ‘H’ as ‘haytch’. - 'don't know' as 'no no' and 'is it?' as 'isssit'....
45. No matter how old you are, you keep associating people with their secondary schools. (alternative: No matter how old you are, you secretly need to know what other people got for their PSLE, O levels and A levels.) - and why the 'oooohhhhhh' whenever ppl mention R-something? and the blank look when ppl say something like ''Wee Wee Primary School'?
46. YouÂ’re always on a quest for the definitive version of your favourite local dish. - Right now.... any ver. will do!
47. When you explain things to people, you keep (a) using alphabets, and (b) speaking in point form. - it's either (a) easy to explain things, or (b) kenna trained since young....
48. You believe that you can generate ‘creativity’ through rules and committees. - your committee not coming up with ideas? start another one to think of ways to make the first committee think of new ideas!
49. You ‘chope’ a seat by placing a packet of tissues on the chair. - some ppl also use water bottles.....
50. YouÂ’re very forthright with your criticisms of the Gahmen, unless thereÂ’s a chance they might actually hear you. - that's why we have so many kopitiam 'speakers'... maybe Chee Soon Juan (did i spell that correct?) shld consider that....
51. You diligently track the whereabouts of your favourite hawkers, i.e..you know that the famous Tiong Bahru Bao is now in Jurong, the famous Outram Char Kuay Teow is now in Hong Lim Centre and the famous Lau Hock Kien Hokkien mee from the old Lau Pa Sat is now at Beach Road. - Anyone know where my favourite AMK central carrot stall moved to?
52. Your mother probably can’t speak your ‘mother tongue’. - Hey Ma! Ta men shuo ni bu hui jiang hua yu.... (Non-chinese speakers: Hey Mum! They said you can't speak Mandrian!)
53. YouÂ’d rather drink your own pee than pay someone more for water. - Same reason why i rather dun eat than to see the mood of the hawker...
54. You secretly find that the best part of the Speak Good English Movement is hearing the Singlish bits in their ads. - Isn't it time to everybody to finally realize that Singlish has reached a status as 'national' language?
55. You have an automatic sensor in your head which categorizes people you meet into stayer/ quitter, cosmopolitan/heartlander, normal/ express/ gifted, etc. - everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, muz be categorized....
56. You think weÂ’re living in a modern, sophisticated country even when our leaders still insist on wearing their school uniforms. - seriously... I still dun understand the reason behind that...
57. You wish your constituency is in a walkover, because otherwise it’s damn ‘leceh’. - Damit! Y can't they at least let me experience how is it like to vote??? One choice shouldn't mean no choice! I want to draw circle or cross or watever on a piece of paper and drop it into a box behind closed curtains!
58. During elections, you decide that there is no credible opposition even though you donÂ’t know the name of the opposition candidate in your constituency. - Hands up, those who actually know who the opposition is, in your constituency... if there's one....
59. You think having a constitution is like the condition you get when you donÂ’t eat enough fibre. - given that most oppositions only show their faces when elections are near... I'm not too surprised....
60. You can never quite remember what “the core values” of Singaporeans are. - Wat! look down on me! They are ......... eh.......... em...... eh.......... .......... argh!
Disclaimer: Comments in italics are meant to be taken tongue-in-cheek and not seriously. They also do not reflect the actual opinions of the author. Any coincidences are purely that.... coincidences...
