suicidal no more.
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i realise why i cannot write like a frenzied mad man any more.i am no longer suicidal,self-multilating,chain-smoking mad man.
i am no longer angry at everything.everyone.i m no longer crazy.will no longer jump off bridges into river.does not climb up rooftops of hdb flats and view the stars and fall asleep there anymore.no longer swim in unabandon quarries.
not fighting the system,nor the parents and teacher authorities.no longer trying to break away,break free.sings anarchy in the UK no more.
no longer dancing around the fevered moon.howling like the wind.
i have stop writing my diary of a madman.
some here thinks i m crazy,but beLIEve me,i m not even a fraction of what i used to be.
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So what change the creative man to the average mediocre man ?
A woman? or a Pill? -
good .... stop caging urself as a rat ....
be a free spirit
-
i wish i have pills...Originally posted by mistyblue:So what change the creative man to the average mediocre man ?
A woman? or a Pill?
woman???Mmmmmmm.....
maybe its old age.if u cease to be the seeker,u become the sought.
i was not creative.never was. i just wrote like a fevered man dying.wrote like i m dead.or thats what most of my old friends says.but i cant even come up with 2 full sentences these days. and i lost most of my writing books.
a close friend says i really need to start writing again before i lose it all.
i think so too, but i have lose the will to fight,to write.too tired,so tired.
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My best drawings are done in the lowest moments of my dispair, depression and sadness.
My best writings were done in the deepest of agnoy and anguish and frustrations.
My best creations are when I am most sucidal, almost fanatic and walking on the edge onto darkness and death.
I can only say, I identify with you. -
i was a free spirit.i wonder if i still am, or will i ever be again.Originally posted by InnoHippo:good .... stop caging urself as a rat ....
be a free spirit -
maybe, somewhere along the line, people stop seeking freedom to do things...
and seek freedom from things?
some do... -
but i have lost that dark side.i m no longer dark and crazy. i have settled into life herself.her embrace.no longer write like i have a death wish.i need the depression,i need to be fearful of something.now i m just a everyday man.Originally posted by mistyblue:My best drawings are done in the lowest moments of my dispair, depression and sadness.
My best writings were done in the deepest of agnoy and anguish and frustrations.
My best creations are when I am most sucidal, almost fanatic and walking on the edge onto darkness and death.
I can only say, I identify with you.
where are you,when i needed you most. -
Age caught up with me too.... all my wonderful fanatsy, and illusions that I once held dear... strangely comforting and yet, regarded as weird and unacceptable by others. Now that I shed it... its become... un-me...Originally posted by ratinacage:i wish i have pills...
woman???Mmmmmmm.....
maybe its old age.if u cease to be the seeker,u become the sought.
i was not creative.never was. i just wrote like a fevered man dying.wrote like i m dead.or thats what most of my old friends says.but i cant even come up with 2 full sentences these days. and i lost most of my writing books.
a close friend says i really need to start writing again before i lose it all.
i think so too, but i have lose the will to fight,to write.too tired,so tired.
The passion is gone.. its like having prozac, yet the heart yearns for those times where the fire burnt, its was agony in the process and yet in the pain of it all. there was such a satisfaction. I stopped drawing.. Now I tried and its banal... almost too common... painfully...
I felt I am losing myself or what made me... me. -
You need a muse... an inspiration that makes you just wanna write and leave the trodden road behind. It was such an excitement prehaps, now that the normalness of life has taken more of you... that life seeps out of you..Originally posted by ratinacage:but i have lost that dark side.i m no longer dark and crazy. i have settled into life herself.her embrace.no longer write like i have a death wish.i need the depression,i need to be fearful of something.now i m just a everyday man.
where are you,when i needed you most.
I found a muse.. she's young and full of energy ... but i wonder if she really understands me .... -
do not look down on the everyday man ....Originally posted by ratinacage:but i have lost that dark side.i m no longer dark and crazy. i have settled into life herself.her embrace.no longer write like i have a death wish.i need the depression,i need to be fearful of something.now i m just a everyday man.
where are you,when i needed you most.
he makes everyday feels like everyday -
i m glad that u like to be a everyday man.Originally posted by InnoHippo:do not look down on the everyday man ....
he makes everyday feels like everyday 
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u're falling asleep? eh most suicidal ppl r suicidal no more when they r finally dead. damn don't walk out from insanity n leave me alone. argh. wait up. i need to go smack the pink elephant who's teasing me from the doorway.Originally posted by ratinacage:i realise why i cannot write like a frenzied mad man any more.i am no longer suicidal,self-multilating,chain-smoking mad man.
i am no longer angry at everything.everyone.i m no longer crazy.will no longer jump off bridges into river.does not climb up rooftops of hdb flats and view the stars and fall asleep there anymore.no longer swim in unabandon quarries.
not fighting the system,nor the parents and teacher authorities.no longer trying to break away,break free.sings anarchy in the UK no more.
no longer dancing around the fevered moon.howling like the wind.
i have stop writing my diary of a madman.
some here thinks i m crazy,but beLIEve me,i m not even a fraction of what i used to be. -
but the problem is ,i m not dead.nowhere near dying.Originally posted by HENG@:u're falling asleep? eh most suicidal ppl r suicidal no more when they r finally dead. damn don't walk out from insanity n leave me alone. argh. wait up. i need to go smack the pink elephant who's teasing me from the doorway.
i m not walking out on my insanity.she is leaving me.... -
Oh Fuck. that means im left alone!Originally posted by ratinacage:but the problem is ,i m not dead.nowhere near dying.
i m not walking out on my insanity.she is leaving me.... -
in this world,u r never alone.Originally posted by HENG@:Oh Fuck. that means im left alone!
there is an army of me out there.
an army,of a million and one,
an army of zero.crying in the sun. -
gahhhhhhhhh. why why why!Originally posted by ratinacage:in this world,u r never alone.
there is an army of me out there.
an army,of a million and one,
an army of zero.crying in the sun. -
u just step into another phase of life...if u like it then cherish it...Originally posted by ratinacage:i realise why i cannot write like a frenzied mad man any more.i am no longer suicidal,self-multilating,chain-smoking mad man.
i am no longer angry at everything.everyone.i m no longer crazy.will no longer jump off bridges into river.does not climb up rooftops of hdb flats and view the stars and fall asleep there anymore.no longer swim in unabandon quarries.
not fighting the system,nor the parents and teacher authorities.no longer trying to break away,break free.sings anarchy in the UK no more.
no longer dancing around the fevered moon.howling like the wind.
i have stop writing my diary of a madman.
some here thinks i m crazy,but beLIEve me,i m not even a fraction of what i used to be. 
-
dun worry my friend, i will never be totally sane.Originally posted by HENG@:gahhhhhhhhh. why why why! -
i feel that i do not like it.but it may be too early to tell....Originally posted by windjammer:u just step into another phase of life...if u like it then cherish it...
hey,we need to do our deal soon ya.but i've been up to my neck in Shit..... -
better not be.Originally posted by ratinacage:dun worry my friend, i will never be totally sane. 
-
let the events unfold naturally...who knows u might like it...Originally posted by ratinacage:i feel that i do not like it.but it may be too early to tell....
hey,we need to do our deal soon ya.but i've been up to my neck in Shit.....
no probs...u can always call me...but last order is 20 jan hor... -
There is a simplicity of a everyday personOriginally posted by ratinacage:i m glad that u like to be a everyday man.
however, there is, deep down, a aching feeling there is more to life than this. Than this muhdane-ness...
Of chaos, and madness
drinking the passion
singing the deeds
And yet let it all drown
in the every insanity
eating away at the heart
that one numb day
as if a snake shed its skin
in a moment of dread
you have realised
you are just an
everyday man -
here also advertise. bad.Originally posted by windjammer:let the events unfold naturally...who knows u might like it...
no probs...u can always call me...but last order is 20 jan hor...
rat, juz dun roam about at night..will scare away the ladies. -
she might visit you yet.Originally posted by ratinacage:but the problem is ,i m not dead.nowhere near dying.
i m not walking out on my insanity.she is leaving me....
I love my insanity and depression when it comes
I happily let them go knowing they will come again...