i crouched into a corner,a corner where the light dun shine.picked up my marlboros and started chain-smoking them.
all my good friends come in a bottle,jack,jim,JOse......
people i read are either dead,drunk,bums and/or all of the above.people like Poe,HP lovecraft,jim morrison,Charles B.....
i have more dead friends than any one i know who is under 45.in fact, i have more dead friends than anyone i know.
i have loved and lost more times than i bother to remember. every single time is the same. also thinking that it will be better this time around yet knowing that it will never be. everything stays to stink after 6 months or so. if it last for one year, love will then become routine. staying together will then become a habit.but after 3 years, even habits get annoying.
i listen to everything.from radio fares to stuff that even the heaviest radio stations will not touch with a 10 foot pole.from Crass to The Corrs, Rolling stones to Rollins Band,Sex pistols to Slayer,morbid angel to Machinehead,Tim Macraw to Testament,Billie Holiday to billy idol.everything and everything else in between.....
everyday i try to look forward for some thing new to happen,something good.like a car crash,or an earthquake.something,anything to break this monotone life.
another weekend has passed,. doing the same exciting things, getting sloshed on friday nite,hanging out with her on sat and sun.more quality time with the people around me.everything seems to be fine, but nothing is actually fine. everything is still the same,boringly the same. in fact we watched SAW and the movie is a complete mind Fuck!!!!i was so delighted at the movie!!!it was great for 2 hours. 5 hours in fact, because i was still thinking aboutthe movie 3 hours after i left the cinema.
but still nothing is better....
nightingales in tears
sings no more
spending his nights in tears
another weekend coming...i'll be doing so many happy things. movies,drinks,maybe even visit the zoo.but am i truely happy?i really do not have the answer to this question. what is happiness?is it when i m having a good time?theres jux so temporary.and what happens after that.nothing, not a thing. nothing in this mortal life,in my mortal life makes much sense.sunrise,sunset follows by another sunrise,sunset.day in day out. sad people rushing onto the train to find a place to sit down,to sleep.are they truely happy?
it never changes,even tho' things seem different.from one generation to another. things got better. now we have cell phones,internet and all that technology to make our life easier,better. i was jux on the phone trying to do some phone banking,i had to listen to the machine to tell me what numbers to press so that i can get to where i want.and if u miss out on one number, u have to start all over again. a Fucking waste of time. ironic is it not?in the quest to better everything else, we forgot ourselves.
in the quest to build the world's tallest building, we forgot that our feet is on the ground.
i feel so tired of this, day in day out routine, weekday in,weekend out.