Have you missed the point about validating a woman?
-
Howdy guys, this is my first shot at trying to post up some occassional musings of my own. They aren't all original, and a good deal of my concepts trace back to certain schools of thought you guys might be familiar with. I'm actually an old poster that's left the community some time ago and am now back, but won't say who i am - that's besides the point
Anyway, hoping you guys will read through and help give constructive criticisms to improve my ideas a little bit, and maybe in the process gain a bit of insight on your part too. 
________________________________________________________________
The deal with validation
as ranted by DIECI
My last few encounters have probably taught me a lot. This is one of them.
Women seek validation as much as men. Especially when venturing out of their comfort zones. We need training wheels and guiding hands when we try new things. Duh.
It's natural. People crave for acceptance & affirmations. There's a difference, though. Acceptance is to be acknowledged for who you are and what you do. Affirmed is simply being encourage, while not necessarily effusively, in the line one is currently proceeding.
And how does these two references relate to the world around us?
Just a couple of days ago I was causally flirting on the phone with a music student I've met over the net. Our topics ranged for daily meaningless gossips and reviews to discussing about products services & some light teasing/flirting. No heavy topics that night, no confessions, heartfelt sharing or discussions at an emotional level beyond general boredom. However, the staged was set pretty well for flirting. We were trying to coax each other to fussing for attention over each other over an imaginary topic, to demonstrate fussing over each other first when i deliberately allowed her to cheat me of fussing over her without any reciprocation sorts. That was my bait. Having conducted my demonstration circumstance pretty much pointed that she returned the gesture, however, she wasn't gonna do it. So I pushed and pull her a little bit, and finally tempted her that we move on to a more interesting, outrageous and irrevocable prospect – without revealing, of course.
Is it truly any wonder she took it? What I didn't tell her, initially, was that it was a good night kiss. And, expectantly, she instantly regretted the decision to the point the awkwardness was venturing into the realm of being mortified. Still, one has to be smooth under this kind of situation to pull it off. So I just pretended it was the most natural progression of our conversation and continued to put pressure on her, albeit in a casual manner, that she should kiss me now, since I've was kind enough to offer her an alternate way of reciprocating the fuss. Yeah, right. And it wasn't unexpected she backed away, though not like a scared kitten but more out of merely being unready for the moment.
Heh, I guess I am good , intuitively, with long shots. I had her begging me not to push her to do it with some semi-serious threats to hang up outright. But times like these you've gotta look at the attitude behind the said words, to the messages sent non-verbatim. But I almost promptly offered that she could hold off the debt for the moment while I think of something else she could do. Almost promptly. (Actually a solid half-hour of bargaining.)
She texted me a good night kiss right after we hung up. That wasn't so bad.
The next day we texted each other just fine. Until when night fell and came the awkward moment when we decide whether or not we'd be on the phone again. I decided I was feeling lucky and after several text exchanges hinted that I was hoping to hear her voice tonight. She ignored it, to a little of my surprise, so I did an about-turn and withheld attention from her.
______________________________________________________________ -
Interesting, go on please.
-
Interesting. You sound like a player.
doko -
why phone.
no face? -
summary pls
-
The bait did little for me as well. Even as I resumed my baiting online, our first established comfort zone, she seemed little responsive to it. Falling back on a myriad of excuses for not picking up the phone and my protests of her unfair treatment and being truly busy she had me ignored most of the night. Till I dropped her an ultimatum to call me when she was done, then went off.
She did, albeit reluctantly. And I guessed that continuing the provoke her attention and interests wasn't the best of directions to take. She came off me totally, and wanted to end the night earlier than I set the bar for minimum. A mere five minutes. I was flabbergasted, in the bad way. What had happened? I was radiating the sexiness of Tom Jones just a night back, with my push-pull lures & teases and tonight it was like similar teases were like rocks thrown in her path?
I was experiencing the female phenomenon men who have gone for generations before me labelled mood swings. Oh yeah, thrilled to be in the midst and submerged beneath it. Now fear the almighty female gender, that oscillates between epic sensuousness and emotional fratricide in millisecond periods. Joy.
Till a next day review with the dating bible, The Game, described a most intriguing insight into women and seeking validations. The matrix of the female emotional programming. The assembly code her 'feelings' and 'moods' were compiled of. Well, not technically that transparent, but I have enough depth in the field to understand the parables he preached in his holy mantra.
Women, like men, needed just as much acknowledgement, if not more when they undertake actions, especially deemed daring, out-of-league attempts. Kissing me, over text was quite off for a guy that she's conversed with verbally for two occasions and known for ten days, and over friendster at that. At this point I realize many dissenters will disagree with me, that attraction is almost time-irrelevant, and most of all for the merest shadow of a kiss like this. Of course, I have no intention of refuting that. It's true that any pseudo-alpha male, with enough depth in the field of pick-ups, or otherwise referred as sarging, have little to worry about sealing the kissing deal. However, that's not the direction I'm coming from here, the flirting have so far been casual, and from a pseudo-platonic angle, but we are attempting to make a real emotional connection, and that's why I had taken ten days to know her, know who she is beyond where she studies, her age and the size of her breasts. It makes more sense to me somehow, then to strafe for an easier, quicker fuck at clark quay clubs or the like. Perhaps it's aesthetics or a lack of experience but either way I'm pretty comfortable with it. But I digress.
Having blown out that kiss she could be taken as easy by me. I mean, what assurance have I given her thus far but those built on trust and an unspoken, inferred promise that I may potentially be interested in her one-on-one? Something that I'm not even obliged to fulfil given that I haven't even met her in person yet. So she did the only thing she could, she shrank back a little, shut her heart a fraction of an inch close and hope I reach out to lead her out of her defensive stance, to assure her, to offer more trust from my own reserves. But instead I turned around and half-walked away, expecting her to follow.
On hindsight, it's actually quite funny how clueless I was. I forgot she was a semi-conservative girl from the start, despite the fact she parties occasionally. But then again, I think sometimes men do miss this, or more likely, overtly offer assurance when there are seemingly no reason to. This results in the what's known commonly as the 'welcome mat' treatment where the girl will end up walking all over him, all over his supposed authority and having him at her whims. I refused to be like that, but that doesn't mean the polar opposite is a good stance either.
In fact women should be, to some degree (just sufficiently) validated. To offer some emotional tribute to them does surrender some masculine power, and some guys including myself sometimes, cannot deal with that. Yet, as much as sex and affection is a necessity for human beings, acceptance and affirmation is too. She needed to know I accepted her as a conservative girl, while simultaneously affirming her for stepping outside her comfort zone.
I know, she's a big girl now, she should know what she's doing and not need me to coddle her every step of the way when she decides to explore her previously uncharted territories of trust and flirting. That's true to a certain degree, I look to being more of a leader when it comes to emotions and sex than a manipulator, a chess master. I'd rather be there to lead her out at appropriate moments and let her struggle to catch on at others. Than to snare her by putting her in difficult positions where she can choose a romantic adventure, a different sub-reality in her life, or to go hungry without. Perhaps it's because the last vestiges of inefficient morality still struggles with my new founded pick-up antics. Whatever.
Just to balance the argument though, I really don't believe in uselessly throwing affirmations and asking permission with girls, as though transforming and off-loading my insecurity into ego boosters. I don't believe in giving the upper hand away by assuring where I don't desperately need to, and certainly not allowing them to control the tempo things between the two of us. I lead, she follows. She always follows. I just take her feelings into consideration when I lead, that's all. I never ask for permission besides out of general courtesy, and even then I make it clear I can already decide without her input.