Should I give up on this R/S?Is he hiding something from me?
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I'm currently dating this guy whom I got to know in August. We met thru a friend and he claims that he was attracted to me because 'I'm unlike most girls, I'm smart, intelligent...'
But anyway, I din feel that he was chasing me till sometime later when he asked me ' Don't you know that I'm chasing after you?' and I'm like ' Huh? Got meh? I dun feel it leh...'
Anyway, he loves his Mum and I have nothing against that. In fact, fillial piety has always been a trait that I looked for in my boyfriends. But I think, he's too much of a mummy's boy.
We've been together for a few months now and our dates never last beyond 9pm and we have never been out on a weekend, not to mention Xmas and New Year.
He never calls or sms me. He never replies my sms nor answer my calls. When I ask him about it,he claims that its because his phone was in his room on the 3rd floor and he din hear/ see/ notice. ( In my opinion, what use is a handphone if you keep it sitting in your room, away from your sight. Handphones aren't called mobile phone/ hand phones for nothing you know?)
When I ask him what he does over the weekends, he says that he's keeping his Mum company.
When we do go out for dates, he drops me at my void-deck without dinner, says he got to rush home but his car is still there when I reach my floor, busily sms-ing somebody in the car.
He ALWAYS uses his mum as an excuse and frankly, I'm starting to hate his Mum even before meeting his Mum and I have no intention of doing that.
He was the one who said that he told his mum about us and that his mum wants to meet me but now he's the one who keeps making excuses so that I cannot meet his mum.
Frankly, I wished that I could meet his mum and his family so that at least I can go out with them on weekends, just to spend more time to get to noe him.
In an effort to get to noe him better, I've even offered to go to church with him. He claims that he has to go to church for Bible studies on Sat evenings and he has to attend church on Sundays too. He was shocked by my offer, said that he'll make arrangements den did nothing about it.
Recently, because of an incident, I 'punished' him by making me promise that he'll keep me company every sat for a month and I'll go to Bible studies with him on Sats and he suddenly said that there isn't any classes.
Den last Fri, he told me that he cannot company me cos he got to bring his mum to KK for check up in the morn (weird considering the fact that KK deals with Gynae prob and his mum is well into her 50s going 60) and he got Bible Studies in the evening (didn't he just told me no classes for the time being?)
Now he's not just making me hate his mum, he's making me hate his church too.
Oh, and I've not mentioned a few pictures in his handphone of him hugging a ger and when queried, he said the ger is the gf/wife of a church fren and they all belonged to the same church and he was hugging her so titely cos their frens had dared them to behave as a couple for a day.
Now, which guy will bring his gf/wife to an outing with his frens and dare his fren and his wife to behave like a couple for the day?
After all these months, I know nothing of him, I dunnoe where he stays, I dunnoe his past, I dunnoe what he likes/ dislikes, I dunnoe anything about him at all.
I'm down with fever and migraine today and as usual, he didn't even call or sms me. When he did sms me and I told him I'm sick, he called and asked if I had dinner. When I said I hadn't, instead of offering to come bring me go see doc or go have diner or even asking me to remember to take medicine, he asked me to order Macdonalds.
I den told him that I'm sick and I shouldn't be having Macdonalds and I was hoping that he could bring me go have something soupy instead, he said ' I'll try to convince my mum to let me go out.'
Time den was bout 10pm and he's 30 this year.
Oh, btw, I only found out bout his past relationship after I did a search for his friendster profile and he has a blog there.
In it, his last r/s died cos he was dating this other ger while still attached to his ex, not daring to break up with her for fear that she would do something crazy?
He's turned me into this insecure person who sits around at home, waiting for his ever-absent calls/ sms. I've never felt so insecure and insignificant before.
When I ask him bout how he's treating me, he says it's cos he's still hurting from the last r/s and that he needs time to open up. But somehow, his refusal to let me know more bout him just make me even more suspicious.
The discovery of the blog din make it any better.
Am I being paranoid for thinking that he's just using his mum as a cover up for somebody else or is it really his mum? -
he's 2timing you.
the mom is an excuse!
dump him quick!
walao eh!
dont waste ur youth! -
When you're typing your Thread title and this question.Originally posted by alegna_t13:Am I being paranoid for thinking that he's just using his mum as a cover up for somebody else or is it really his mum?
I reckon you know somehow, somewhere is not working out?
Instincts at times are the most powerful.
Cheers -
The last time I suggested that things weren't working out, he claimed that he took sleeping pills.
Right now, he's havin some probs with his business and I'm offering to meet up with his manager over the weekend tosee if we can come out with any solutions and he's telling me that he can't make it cos of his mum and his church activities and i'm thinking ' I'm trying to help you with your biz and you cannot even prioritize?' -
Relationship is something two party share together. If it isn't, it will always be like missing pieces of puzzle everywhere.Originally posted by alegna_t13:The last time I suggested that things weren't working out, he claimed that he took sleeping pills.
Right now, he's havin some probs with his business and I'm offering to meet up with his manager over the weekend tosee if we can come out with any solutions and he's telling me that he can't make it cos of his mum and his church activities and i'm thinking ' I'm trying to help you with your biz and you cannot even prioritize?'
In your relationship with him. There are less than a substantiate pieces of puzzle to piece out a picture.
You might have known for some time on what is going on. But you do not have the will to accept or even find out the truth.
Somehow, you allowed him to continually use those excuses.
When will you start to realise that you need to stop following his lead?
Take a stand.
Cheers -
I think I'm going to stop calling / sms him and wait and see what he's going to do about it.
By the way, don't you guys have to sleep or did you guys just wake up? -
Good morning, haven't sleep.Originally posted by alegna_t13:I think I'm going to stop calling / sms him and wait and see what he's going to do about it.
By the way, don't you guys have to sleep or did you guys just wake up?
Seems to me like you're going to keep at it for some time.
Good luck -
Haha...
Good Morning to you too..
I've not slept too...
I dunnoe why I'm giving him so much time, maybe cos my mum has a pretty good impression of him bah.
Longest I'm giving him is coming Sat.
If he still doesn't wisen up, I'm out.
Irregardless of whatever reasons or excuses he has...... -
hmm.
Sounds like you are a very steadfast person.
Say it do it. Or perhaps you are just sick of the situation. -
Sick and tired liao lor....
I'm not known for being patient. =p -
Goodluck in wadever you choose to do.
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I think you should give up this relationship if you doubt him, hmm. 26 this year har, don't waste your precious youth on him. =)
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Haha... Hao de....Originally posted by JackOT:I think you should give up this relationship if you doubt him, hmm. 26 this year har, don't waste your precious youth on him. =)
If not my mum will start worrying that I will become like 'Jin San Shun' again... -
Whether this guy is for real or not,
I think he is still not ready for a relationship!
He can't manage his time, can't display his affection, can't prioritise his issues, can't manage his work. And for a man who is so attentive to his mother (my husband loves his mom a lot too cos she went thru a lot of hardship to bring him and his siblings up), you would expect a man who will show a lot of attention to his wife cos he KNOWS how to 'show' his love.
And if you take him for real, he has too much on his plate to think abt gf right now too. But a 30 yr old man ... should know better. Really should know better. Do u really want a long term rship w someone like tt?
But be prepared for sob stories when this happen or nasty bouts of anger. Remain steadfast. -
my advice:
give up or let go of this relationship;
he hides everything from u, seriously, i feel dat dere is no point of continuing this relationship. A relationship is something where each person share his or her private life with each other. A relationship is something which will eventually ends in a marriage, furthermore you and him arent young anymore. Do you want him to even hide things from you after you and him are married???
he is already 30 YEARS OLD!....come on, 30 years old leh!.....he still need his mummy to plan and do everything for him? if he cant manange his time even if he is 30 years old, are u going to manage his time for him even after you are married? or worse still , his mum manage and plan YOUR AND HIS wedding?
as like wad u said, give him a chance.....if he still behaves like dat.....den give up is better....dere are many guys out dere who has better qualities...
i can see dat you really loved him a lot.....if i were his fren i would hav knocked his head hard to ask him come to his senses -
'Mother'....Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Whether this guy is for real or not,
I think he is still not ready for a relationship!
He can't manage his time, can't display his affection, can't prioritise his issues, can't manage his work. And for a man who is so attentive to his mother (my husband loves his mom a lot too cos she went thru a lot of hardship to bring him and his siblings up), you would expect a man who will show a lot of attention to his wife cos he KNOWS how to 'show' his love.
And if you take him for real, he has too much on his plate to think abt gf right now too. But a 30 yr old man ... should know better. Really should know better. Do u really want a long term rship w someone like tt?
But be prepared for sob stories when this happen or nasty bouts of anger. Remain steadfast.
He might likely be living a double life.
Very dodgy character. -
interesting.
but the answer sibeh obvious lah
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Personally I find him dodgy... but my point is.. even if it is for realOriginally posted by M©+square:'Mother'....
He might likely be living a double life.
Very dodgy character.
he's STILL got issues. -
Yeah! He got real serious issues about his role as a son and a boyfriend and a Church goer!!!Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Personally I find him dodgy... but my point is.. even if it is for real
he's STILL got issues.
Threadstarter, keep your updates here, will try to give you a more detailed reply(if possible)
Cheers -
maybe he really really really really loves his motherOriginally posted by ShrodingersCat:Personally I find him dodgy... but my point is.. even if it is for real
he's STILL got issues.
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i can recommend TS to go to thailand and find a nice guy there
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Well... hurhrhur u mean love like oedipus?Originally posted by kopiosatu:maybe he really really really really loves his mother
-cough cough- then TS better siam far far., -
people were really sickos last timeOriginally posted by ShrodingersCat:Well... hurhrhur u mean love like oedipus?
-cough cough- then TS better siam far far., -
This guy to me..is not really a MAN..
30 yrs old..still dun dare to defy his mother..siao bo...he no guts ah?
l mean altot we shld respect our parents..filial to them..but listening to them all the time..is a NO NO NO!!
we hav our own mindet and decision de lor..
Summore l find it very suspicious that maybe he is using his mother as a cover? where gt ppl 30 yrs old still mummy boy..must listen to her and gt curfew...THIS IS A VERY STRANGE PART...9.00 curfew? HAHA..dun make me laugh la..how abt tailing him after 9..see where he goes..maybe u will find out sumtinz u nver noe or a big secret!!
And from the way he toks..l dun tink he is a bit concerned abt u...which l tink he dun love u as much bah..
Anyway drop this guy bah..full of excuses and problems...there r plenty of nice and steady guys outside...so juz keep on looking for one bah -
its time to cut your losses.
Don't let other people play with your heart.