Why Men Leave Women They Like or Love
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Reason #1: The "Pleasure Principle"
Men, and women, generally want to FEEL GOOD in their lives.
And they want to have the people around them be a source of pleasure and comfort and support.
Yourself included.
When you are constantly freaking out on a man for what it is about him that freaks you out, you quickly turn into one of the people that it DOESN'T FEEL GOOD to be around.
And this has a huge impact on whether or not he wants to invest more time, effort, and energy in you and your relationship.
Or if he will decide to give up on trying to fix what's going on with you so you can both feel good together.Reason #2: Emotional Experience And The Future
For a man in a relationship, the ways a woman acts in the "little" situations become indicators of how she's going to respond when things really are tough and in the future.
So if a woman is consistently negative and emotional... and can't get herself together even when a man tries to explain things and comfort
her... then a man isn't going to think that things could be any better in the future together.Reason #3: Lost Feelings Of Attraction
Love can be important to a man.
But just like a woman, if he doesn't also keep experiencing the exciting and addictive feelings of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with the woman he loves... then eventually EVERYTHING ELSE starts to not matter.
When a man doesn't FEEL that deep level of connection with a woman, at least every so often to remind him of why he's with her, then he'll forget why... and the relationship will become just a whole bunch of "work" to him.
Whenever he thinks of his girlfriend, he'll think of all the problems, frustrations, and negative emotions and experiences... and he'll see a future and a commitment as something that will make him LESS SATISFIED in his life.
Often times when women are feeling distance or trouble in a relationship, they'll try to "talk" to a man and work on "the relationship".
Big mistake if you want to turn things around.
For a man, he wants to do things together (not talk) to know his relationship is working.
Creating a deep level of connection and sharing the attraction you have is one of the most powerful and important keys to giving a man his own reason for wanting to be with you, no matter what. -
Reason #4: The "Neediness" of Codependence
A man wants to be with a woman that brings something better to his life, not take away his time, energy, and emotional "stability".
So when a woman doesn't have much going on for herself in her own life a few things happen.
First, she focuses on her relationship too much as her source of happiness or unhappiness.
You can tell when you've done this in your relationships in the past when you've said things like:
"I can't believe how I didn't hardly ever see
any of my friends while we were together."
...or
"I can't believe I let him control me that way."
...or
"I feel so stupid for wasting so much of my time on our relationship, when I could have been doing things for me and my life."
The reality is that no man and no relationship is capable of being everything to a woman.
And no relationship requires that you sacrifice all your time, life, and energy for it... no matter how much it seems that way.
But our relationships can "trick" us into believing that they need all of our time and attention just to survive.
Not true.
In fact, the way this works is completely COUNTERINTUITIVE.
Often times men leave a woman because they see that she depends too much on him and has lost her own sources of happiness... and this not only looks and feels "needy" to a man, but it keeps the woman from having much to bring into the relationship and add to their lives together.
I hope reason 4 will be a wake up passage to many out there who still believe that blaming and finger pointing actually helps in getting on faster.Reason #5: "She's Trying To Fix Me..."
Every few weeks or months I come across someone who says or alludes to the idea that "people don't change."
Wrong.
People often change their state of mind in an instant.
Especially from happy to sad.
Of course, changing perspectives, opinions, or beliefs can take a bit longer... but these change quickly too.
A man can and will "change" and compromise for a woman.
It's a fact.
I see it all the time where men let go of their "bachelor lifestyles" for one special woman, and change a ton about their social lives.
But this only happens when a man has HIS OWN REASONS to change.
It NEVER works, or lasts, if a man simply tries to change for a woman, or for the sake of the relationship.
There's a rule I like to use in my life when ever I come to a situation where I'm trying to align my own desires or goals with someone else's:
'All motivation is self-interest'
In other words, if you're trying to create a great situation with a man, you're going to need to understand what HIS REASONS are going to be for doing the work on his end to make it happen.
But lots of women try and get a man to change by showing a man how it affects THEM, not him.
This is the exact opposite of understanding that people are motivated by the things that THEY WANT, and not what others feel and want.
It takes some maturity to accept that other people (men) have their own unique way of seeing things and wanting what they want. (to stay and work things out, or not)
But once you learn to accept these things and start to work with them instead of against them, life gets a whole lot easier.
And a whole lot more fun.
So those are 5 of
the most common reasons and situations about why
men leave women and relationships.
One of the most important things underlying all these 5 reasons is the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE that you create with a man.
I think of the emotional experience that you share with a man in your relationship as the door through which your relationship will either open
up and move forward...
Or on the other hand, as the barrier that causes a relationship to stay shut and go nowhere.
And I look at COMMITMENT as a man and a woman agreeing to open the door together and walk through it.
But the truth is that men don't COMMIT for the same reasons most women do.
They don't think about, talk about, or want to walk through the door the same way most women do.
That's why the "process" by which most men commit is different.
For most women, there's often a kind of tension and resistance built into moving forward in a relationship with a man.
And I'm not just talking about the spoken words of that make a commitment... but about the "emotional commitment" a man has inside with you.
If a man is deeply committed to you and your relationship on an emotional level, then any "issues" you run into are just going to be "bumps in the road" to him. And he'll be confident, comfortable, open, and secure with you in working
them out.
But if a man ISN'T "emotionally committed" to you, then each and every little problem is going to cause him to get irritated, frustrated, and
have him wanting to blame you and withdraw.
Which is, in turn, going to make things much less CERTAIN for you. -
Hmmmm....i sure hope he left because of one of the reasons you stated, it makes me feel better
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Then you might have been doing selective readings.Originally posted by snobbish:Hmmmm....i sure hope he left because of one of the reasons you stated, it makes me feel better 
Though i cannot be sure what you went through.
This topic qualifies only when the guy truly Likes or Loves his gf but he finds that the relationship is not going to work out from some reason or other. -
ok noted!
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I have this personal experience which took me many years to realise.
I'd rather leave knowing i still love you, than to leave hating you.
And i wish you'd know. I love you and i don't want you to end up hating me.
I want the both of us to leave knowing this relationship was beautiful, so that at times, when i think of you. I could smile and whisper 'thank you for such wonderful memories'.
M© (Ben) -
Yet it could also be one of the most difficult decision to be made and brought across... Where should the 'cutting point' be.....?Originally posted by M©+square:I have this personal experience which took me many years to realise.
I'd rather leave knowing i still love you, than to leave hating you.
And i wish you'd know. I love you and i don't want you to end up hating me.
I want the both of us to leave knowing this relationship was beautiful, so that at times, when i think of you. I could smile and whisper 'thank you for such wonderful memories'.
M© (Ben) -
tot men leave cause they find a younger/prettier girl to con, easy to spread PRC, a mistress to let him play hero, or any lame reason he can think of ...
then the man will beg to come back when he discovered his wallet is empty, he's contract aid/std and need someone to take care of him, his ego is bashed up because the mistress/PRC/younger girl find a better/richer/strong/harder man than him or any lame reason he can think of...
People had never been logical... will never be logical... -
Originally posted by M©+square:I have this personal experience which took me many years to realise.
I'd rather leave knowing i still love you, than to leave hating you.
And i wish you'd know. I love you and i don't want you to end up hating me. I want the both of us to leave knowing this relationship was beautiful, so that at times, when i think of you. I could smile and whisper 'thank you for such wonderful memories'.
M© (Ben)
So sad..
As I read, I'm reminded of my past.
The things mentioned.. so true..
Why does it seem so hard to capture a man's heart?
Why does it seem so hard for a man to commit?
Recently I have been reflecting a lot..
I think I ever read from a book.. that sex will make a man feel loved..
so what if there's no sex?
Does it mean the man will not feel loved?
How many men would choose commit if there's no sex?
Not stereotyping or what..
It's just something that I cannot understand..
Is it true that men value sex more than love? -
If you recalled during the first quarter -mid of this year.Originally posted by Devil1976:Yet it could also be one of the most difficult decision to be made and brought across... Where should the 'cutting point' be.....?
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=189277
Cutting point? Basically it is when one is ready to take the pain.Originally posted by Devil1976:"Every move has a consequence. For every action, there would be a reaction."
My respond to you:
Originally posted by M©+square:
[b]I don't like the reaction i'll be facing, if i'd to commit the action.
Hence the struggle.
Which to some, they are never ready.
I believe, if i were to face the same situation again.Originally posted by M©+square:
I am unsure, what are my choice and what isn't. Whatever choices i deem right may not be right afterall, it brings effects which i might not be ready to deal.
The above post which i've posted on May06 still bears true to me. -
You thought.Originally posted by mistyblue:tot men leave cause they find a younger/prettier girl to con, easy to spread PRC, a mistress to let him play hero, or any lame reason he can think of ...
then the man will beg to come back when he discovered his wallet is empty, he's contract aid/std and need someone to take care of him, his ego is bashed up because the mistress/PRC/younger girl find a better/richer/strong/harder man than him or any lame reason he can think of...
People had never been logical... will never be logical...
But you're wrong. -
What is your perception onOriginally posted by browniebaobao:
So sad..
As I read, I'm reminded of my past.
The things mentioned.. so true..
Why does it seem so hard to capture a man's heart?
Why does it seem so hard for a man to commit?
Recently I have been reflecting a lot..
I think I ever read from a book.. that sex will make a man feel loved..
so what if there's no sex?
Does it mean the man will not feel loved?
How many men would choose commit if there's no sex?
Not stereotyping or what..
It's just something that I cannot understand..
Is it true that men value sex more than love?
1) Sex only
2) Love only
3) Love and Sex
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Aiya the PRC case does not describe every human being with xy chromosome breathing in SingaporeOriginally posted by mistyblue:tot men leave cause they find a younger/prettier girl to con, easy to spread PRC, a mistress to let him play hero, or any lame reason he can think of ...
then the man will beg to come back when he discovered his wallet is empty, he's contract aid/std and need someone to take care of him, his ego is bashed up because the mistress/PRC/younger girl find a better/richer/strong/harder man than him or any lame reason he can think of...
People had never been logical... will never be logical...
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if a man really wants to commit himself to a relationship, he doesnt need his lover to keep breathing down his neck. And for most guys, the tedency to commit is higher as maturity sets in.Originally posted by browniebaobao:
So sad..
As I read, I'm reminded of my past.
The things mentioned.. so true..
Why does it seem so hard to capture a man's heart?
Why does it seem so hard for a man to commit?
Recently I have been reflecting a lot..
I think I ever read from a book.. that sex will make a man feel loved..
so what if there's no sex?
Does it mean the man will not feel loved?
How many men would choose commit if there's no sex?
Not stereotyping or what..
It's just something that I cannot understand..
Is it true that men value sex more than love?
if the person's heart is nt there in the first place, what's there to catch?
no sex? b4 or after marriage. rejection or incapability? it really depends on individuals...nt all guys wld react the same. -
Interesting article!
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I pass by geylang, I go to Bintan, I see it everywhere... the numbers is astounding...Originally posted by M©+square:You thought.
But you're wrong. -
Of cos, i do agree with you.Originally posted by mistyblue:I pass by geylang, I go to Bintan, I see it everywhere... the numbers is astounding...
What you might also fail to see are the astounding numbers of males yearning to find someone whom could share their life with.
And likely you don't see those in Geylang or Bintan.
Those who goes have their stories to tell, don't dismiss them so soon.
Just like my friends mentioned to me that Singapore girls blah blah blah.
I'd always defend by saying, those gals who choose to stay home are those you might have missed. What you don't see, doesn't mean they don't exist.
Cheers -
ah so true!Originally posted by M©+square:Of cos, i do agree with you.
What you might also fail to see are the astounding numbers of males yearning to find someone whom could share their life with.
And likely you don't see those in Geylang or Bintan.
Those who goes have their stories to tell, don't dismiss them so soon.
Just like my friends mentioned to me that Singapore girls blah blah blah.
I'd always defend by saying, those gals who choose to stay home are those you might have missed. What you don't see, doesn't mean they don't exist.
Cheers
so many not seen...
i think the nice girls thank you for defending us... my own brother slam sg girl, but i always think he needto take a good look at himself and failure even after marrying a foreign bride - wife deserted him and took his kid along. All he can do is complain against local women blah blah blah... I refused to correct his thinking because like many men out there, they cannot be corrected at all. I would love for him to fail 1000 times if it had not been my father's blood money he worked all his life as a fruit seller and karang guni man, to pay off my brother's fees and expenses and now support him cause 9 out of 12 months he's out of work. -
Another issue that it's often a '2 people affair'.... Unless your partner is really on par with you... The other party just might not be able to see the same or share the equal opinion... This which can really be quite a 'deep' matter by itself...?Originally posted by M©+square:Cutting point? Basically it is when one is ready to take the pain.
Which to some, they are never ready.
If one feel and choose to end it nonetheless without the other party seeing eye to eye to it, the picture might not be as 'beautiful' as you've previously described in your post... Having 2 different views, it's actually hard to decide who is 'right' and who is 'wrong' as it could be all relative matters... Hence it's also difficult to say if someone who started out with your 'philosophy' (actually, also mine...) could actually be making a sound decision...
That suggesting a 'mutual breakup' which might end up not being so 'mutual' would probably leads to a break up or great 'distortion' down the line anyway...
Which also to bring to the point for the existence of this 'philosophy'... Which is really somehow like 'rather short pain than long pain'.... Just that in this case... it's trying to avoid the 'pain' and paint a better picture all in all.... And if you would like... It's like putting everything on a rewinding type... And capturing something while it's 'most beautiful'...? So what is actually the balance...? Between the 'most beautiful time' and 'most worthy time'...? Like trying to pluck a flower while it blooms...? Except that while you're trying to 'pluck' this flower, it probably won't survive the damage... So is this the purpose of the plant...? To bloom and wilter...? Or can you really and actually know how many times can this plant blooms flowers....? -
And applied could be a 'selfish' kinda love that your partner sees you hold...?
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Precisely why the struggle, i faced.Originally posted by Devil1976:And applied could be a 'selfish' kinda love that your partner sees you hold...?
Between facing it and braving through.
OR
Ending it, but it seemed like i do not have the confidence or making out an excuse for myself to run away.
Between continually holding her by my side though i know it's going to end(i'm just borrowing time)
OR
Let her go and support her in her growth.
Between Love that i yearn
and
The life she wish to live, which i cannot/do not have the capacity to fulfil with her.
Between Real Facts
and
Hope
All these might also have seemed to be a coward perspective.
Which to me, is a struggle. I never intent to throw in the towel without trying. But at the same time, it is the best solution after 5years... -
I don't wanna make it seem like an excuse.
But men do really perceive sex differently from women. You might never understand it but I think at some point acceptance is necessary.
A man who loves a woman will be able to compromise or change his sexual needs, if required, out of concern for his girl. But that doesn't mean he will totally lose it.
And it's not for nothing that the easiest way to tell if something's wrong with your man is through a change in his libido.
So to answer ur question, sex is not everything but it's not an unimportant Nothing either.Originally posted by browniebaobao:
I think I ever read from a book.. that sex will make a man feel loved..
so what if there's no sex?
Does it mean the man will not feel loved?
How many men would choose commit if there's no sex?
Not stereotyping or what..
It's just something that I cannot understand..
Is it true that men value sex more than love? -
need AA ?Originally posted by M©+square:Precisely why the struggle, i faced.
I notice Devil On today.... -
Until bbb come to terms with her values and ideals.Originally posted by choco B:I don't wanna make it seem like an excuse.
But men do really perceive sex differently from women. You might never understand it but I think at some point acceptance is necessary.
A man who loves a woman will be able to compromise or change his sexual needs, if required, out of concern for his girl. But that doesn't mean he will totally lose it.
And it's not for nothing that the easiest way to tell if something's wrong with your man is through a change in his libido.
So to answer ur question, sex is not everything but it's not an unimportant Nothing either.
otherwise, she will just be ever asking for something which she would reject at end state.
In other words. She will always be in the seeking 'an answer' process.
Something which i observe. -
I faced it, that's why i am able to type my personal experience out today.Originally posted by mistyblue:need AA ?
I notice Devil On today....